I thought it’d be fun to start a year-end tradition of sharing the funny things our kids say. Just in case you need a laugh after the holidays. (If you need more than a laugh, like a bit of a reset, try this simple happiness trick.)
The unsigned quotes below are mine. (For a while, I was good at keeping a file of these in Evernote.) Thank you for your great stories!
Are you my mother?
In October, I signed my 5-year-old up for bus pickup in the morning. I was relieved to no longer have to do my hair and make up–and wake my then 27-month-old–to drive my 5-year-old to school.
The first day that I went to get my little one from his crib, he said, “Me don’t like you.”
I said, “Why? I love you.”
He said, “Mommy, go put your makeup on, then come back and get me, then me like you.”
So I did it and when I went back in, he studied my face for a minute, then said, “Now me like you!”
–Erin, via email
Um, thanks for thinking of me…
My son was helping make up the weekly shopping list. His items included Oreos, chips, tomato soup and–surprisingly–Weight Watchers meals. I told him that he really did not need to eat diet foods. He answered, “I know; those are for you.”
–Carolyn, via email
Talk to me
My toddler’s arm touched the edge of a hot pan while she was helping me cook. I got out the aloe vera.
Her: Are you putting aloe vera on my burn?
Me: Yes, I am.
Her, holding up arm and looking curiously at it: Talk to me, aloe vera. I’m talking to you.
I learn something new every day
Toddler holding both sides of her waist: “I can’t pick myself up!”
From the “You must be 2” department
2-year-old, trying to snap her shorts: HELP!
Me: (reaching over, snapping shorts)
2-year-old: Raaaaah! I wanted to do it MYSELF!!!
Me: Oh, I thought you asked for help.
2-year-old: Let me do it MYSELF!!!
Me, unsnapping shorts: OK, here you go. Go for it.
2-year-old: Raaaaah! I want my shorts snapped!
Me: You want me to snap your shorts?
2-year-old, crying: YES!!!
Glad I asked
Me: Do you need to go potty?
Her: No. (Runs to potty) I need to go potty.
Asked and answered
Dad to 2-year-old: I have a question for you.
2-year-old: OK, I’ll think about it.
Great name
2-year-old to taxi driver: Hi, what’s your name?
Driver: What’s my name? Ahmed.
2-year-old: Congratulations!
My 2-year-old is smarter than me
2-year-old, out on balcony, peering into pots with no plants: There’s water in this pot. There’s no water in this pot.
Me, looking up to see if empty pot is under balcony overhang: I wonder why that is.
2-year-old: It drained.
Thanks, Lorax
Me: Mommy is not happy with you. Why did you take off your diaper? Why did you make a big mess in your room? Why aren’t you sleeping?
2-year-old: I don’t hopefully know.
Noted
My 6-year-old just looked up and said, “What are you doing?” I said, “Writing.” Then he followed, “Oh, I thought you were doing math.” Kinda lovely.
—Wendy Sue Swanson @SeattleMamaDoc
Daddy-daughter day
Me: Want to come to work with me and see what I do all day?
4-year-old: No. I don’t want to be sad.
— James @XplodingUnicorn
Good news first
4-year-old: I drew you a picture! It says “I Love You…”
Me: Thank you! That’s so sweet. I love y–
4-year-old: …It also says “Some People Are Stinky.”
—Wendy @maughammom
You better make-believe it
Her: Pretend you’re a fairy.
Me: Let’s pretend we’re not going to pretend for a little bit.
Her: No. Pretend you didn’t say that.
—John Kinnear @askdadblog
You’re magic
4-year-old: Mom, did Elsa freeze you?
Me: No, why?
4-year-old: You have white stripes in your hair.
Me: Those are from YOU!
4-year-old: So I’m magic?
Me: Um…sure.
—Tracy Morrison @sellabitmum
Written by
Tracy Cutchlow
Tracy is the author of the international bestseller Zero to Five: 70 Essential Parenting Tips Based on Science, a public speaker, and a creator of places to speak and be heard. Sign up for her newsletter here.