Growth mindset is in the air. I’m just back from giving a speech to 120 K-8 teachers on growth mindset vs. fixed mindset. A school my daughter attends just sent around an infographic connecting mindset to resiliency. Someone on a parenting-educators forum just posed a question about mindsets and praise.

If you’re not familiar with the research on growth mindset, I’ve created a primer for you — a course on how to raise confident kids with a growth mindset. Check out my course on growth mindset here.

Saying “Wow, you worked so hard” instead of “Great job” is most people’s initial takeaway from the reserach. It’s simple to remember, but it also easily gets stuck in your head, putting you in danger of sounding like a broken record. So I wanted to give you more ideas of phrases that praise effort, strategies, choices, and process instead of personal traits. These examples are from Dweck’s book “Mindset.” It’s a worthy read about how our mindset influences every area of our lives: school and work, athletic and artistic endeavors, even love relationships.

I’ll focus on school here. Not all of these examples make sense for kids at age 5, but you’ll get the idea.

When our children succeed in school:

“You approached that problem in a creative way.”

“Good job hanging in there and finding a different strategy that worked.”

“You tried all kinds of strategies on that math problem until you finally got it. You thought of a lot of different ways to do it and found the one that worked!”

“You really studied for your test and your improvement shows it. You read the material over several times, you outlined it, and you tested yourself on it. It really worked!”

“That homework was so long and involved. But you concentrated and finished it.”

“You took on that challenging project for your science class. It will take a lot of work—doing the research, designing the apparatus, buying the parts, and building it. Boy, you’re going to learn a lot of great things.”

“Whoops. I guess that was too easy. I apologize for wasting your time. Let’s do something you can really learn from!”

When our children struggle in school:

“I know school used to be easy for you and you used to feel like the smart kid all the time. But the truth is that you weren’t using your brain to the fullest. You’re stretching yourself now and working to learn hard things.”

“Consider the idea that [someone else who performed better] just used better strategies, taught themselves more, practiced harder, and worked their way through obstacles. You can do that, too, if you want to.”

“Is there something you didn’t understand in the assignment? Would you like me to go over it with you?”

“You put in a lot of effort here. Let’s work together some more and figure out what it is you don’t understand.”

“We all have different learning curves. It may take more time for you to catch on to this and be comfortable with this material, but if you keep at it like this you will.”

“Remember, learning this subject can take a surprising amount of time and effort. Different people may get there at different rates, but almost everyone who puts in the time and effort get there eventually.”

“Everyone learns in a different way. Let’s keep trying to find the way that works for you.”

When it’s tough to concentrate or complete tasks:

“This looks like a really boring assignment. You have my sympathy. Can you think of a way to make it more interesting?”

“Let’s try to think of a way to lessen the pain and still do a good job. Do you have any ideas?”

“Remember I told you how tedious things help us learn to concentrate? This one is a real challenge. This will really take all your concentration skills. Let’s see if you can concentrate through this whole assignment!”

“Son, you’re not doing a full job. When do you think you can complete this?”

“You are missing a chance to learn. Can you think of a way to do this that would help you learn more?”

Advice from one child to another:

“Do you quit a lot? Do you think for a minute and then stop? If you do, you should think for a long time—two minutes maybe and if you can’t get it you should read the problem again. If you can’t get it then, you should raise your hand and ask the teacher.”

Now that’s good advice for all of us.

p.s. Don’t miss my course on how to raise a confident kid with create a growth mindset.

Written by

Tracy Cutchlow

Tracy is the author of the international bestseller Zero to Five: 70 Essential Parenting Tips Based on Science, a public speaker, and a creator of places to speak and be heard. Sign up for her newsletter here.