What are you grateful for this holiday season? Family, friends, health, life?

Think smaller. Like about this very moment.

Right now, in this moment, might you be grateful that your shirt feels smooth instead of scratchy against your skin? Or that your home is warm? Or that your mom still makes green-bean casserole for dinner? If you notice and acknowledge gratitude for such moments, your overall happiness will significantly improve.

Gratitude makes us feel good, as plenty of studies show. In one study, participants were divided into three groups, and each group was asked to make a particular list once a week: things they were grateful for, or hassles, or neutral events. Guess which group felt more satisfied with life in general after ten weeks? Yep.

It makes sense that focusing on the good makes us feel better than focusing on the bad. The twist is that we can choose to focus on the good, even when we’re feeling more bad than good, and gratitude still works its mood magic. In other words, “acting grateful can actually make you grateful.”

That’s the message of a lovely New York Times column last year on the science of gratitude. Arthur Brooks writes: “The prescription for all of us is clear: Make gratitude a routine, independent of how you feel—and not just once each November, but all year long.”

Brooks talks about three strategies to make gratitude routine:

• Giving thanks silently
• Giving thanks aloud, such as writing to two people each morning to thank them for what they do
• Giving thanks for the “small, useless things you experience—the smell of fall in the air, the fragment of a song that reminds you of when you were a kid.”

You can’t notice those small, useless things unless you’re truly present–the first hallmark of mindfulness. I’ve experienced the enormous difference this makes, which I wrote about briefly in “Where to find happiness.”

Family holidays are a perfect time to practice this kind of gratitude. You may have a few chances to look for the good in the midst of some less-than-ideal moments. As I was just telling a friend, “I don’t think we get points in life for showing our better selves only when it’s easy.” (Her mantra for the afternoon: “Grandma loves my daughter in her own way.”) At the same time, warm fuzzies are all around.

I’m feeling warm fuzzies for lots of little things lately. You included. So let me give thanks aloud: Thank you for being a parent who cares enough to learn about parenting. Who reaches out, knowing that we all need each other. Who shows your child you are trying your best. Whether you are a parent or a professional who works to improve the lives of families, thank you for doing the most challenging, most profound, most important work in the world.

Happy holidays!

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Written by

Tracy Cutchlow

Tracy is the author of the international bestseller Zero to Five: 70 Essential Parenting Tips Based on Science, a public speaker, and a creator of places to speak and be heard. Sign up for her newsletter here.