Let’s say you’re a kid. You’re at the playground. Your grown-up brought you there to, presumably, have fun. There’s a structure for climbing. You climb on it. Your grown-up is standing down below you. And he or she is saying this:

No.

No–wait.

Don’t put your foot there.

Come back around this way.

I don’t–

You’re not going to be able to get through there.

No, no.

That’s not how you do it.

Just go that way.

You’re going to fall.

Reach for that bar up there. Yeah, that one. Now push yourself up.

You did it!!!

What are the messages you just got from your grown-up? (You weren’t asking for help or confused or in distress.)

Did you hear:

You’re not capable. You can’t do this. You can’t do this without me. You’re messing up. You’re making me a nervous wreck. There’s one way to do it, and you’re doing it wrong. Bad decision there. You’re in danger.

Those messages were not what your grown-up intended, I’m sure. He or she was likely trying to convey: I’m here for you, watching out for your safety, helping you on your way.

But which ones did you hear? Either way, did the constant commentary make playing at the playground more fun or kind of a drag?

As parents, we want our kids to know: You’re capable. You can do it. You’re trying. You know how to have fun. If one way doesn’t work, you’ll figure it out. You got it! Are those the messages we’re sending? It’s worth considering.

Along with the fact that we can send such messages with a smile, a nod, a hand placed nearby for support if needed, and only the occasional encouraging comment.

No matter what we may be thinking!

Know someone who can benefit from this post? Please share it with them. Even better, invite them to join our growing community!

Written by

Tracy Cutchlow

Tracy is the author of the international bestseller Zero to Five: 70 Essential Parenting Tips Based on Science, a public speaker, and a creator of places to speak and be heard. Sign up for her newsletter here.